In my last article, we addressed the various reasons how and why a typical young African adult transitions into a breadwinner in their household. The likelihood of its occurrence is skyrocketing owing to the current economic situation. Most families who were hitherto comfortable are now struggling.
Though this article might not apply to your family at the moment, it is best to gain knowledge on how to navigate the noble cause of financially supporting your family while building your income.
A common saying in the Red Cross Society is “You need to be safe to save others”. The famous Hollywood Actor, Tyler Perry, confirmed this in an interview of when he made his first big cheque; he spent it all on family and had nothing at the end of the year. This happened multiple times until he realised that if he had a small boat that could take him to a bigger boat, it was not wise to let everyone on that small boat. He eventually learned to create boundaries to grow his income.
Regardless of the situation in your family that has resulted in you being the breadwinner by chance, it is not an excuse for you to not grow financially as an individual; you owe it to yourself to succeed. Before taking action and making a positive change in this regard, there has to be a mindset change. The major reason why you’re still holding back from creating that boundary is most likely because you feel terrible about turning down the financial requests of your family members, out of love. Please understand this:
Saying ‘No’ Is Also A Sign Of Love
It is normal to feel guilty about saying no to family. The guilt is more when we have to say no to our parents because they practically nurtured us from infancy to adulthood, providing our needs to the best of their ability. However, it would help to understand that ‘No’ is not always rejection, it can also be love. Creating financial boundaries would require you decline some requests for the greater good of the family. So, change your mindset about turning down some financial requests that are unnecessary and harmful to your pocket in the interim. Your responsibilities should never exceed your income. Some breadwinners by chance would rather deplete their savings than deal with that guilty feeling. Dipping your hand into your savings to please the family or not saving at all is a recipe for future penury.
Now that we have built the wall of defence, which is our attitude to saying no, the following are the next steps:
Be Financially Disciplined
Charity begins at home. If you struggle with saying no to other people, then it is likely that you won’t say no to yourself either. Your family members know a lot about you, including your relationship with money. They see what you buy and do for yourself, which influences the weight of their demands (necessities aside). One way to achieve financial discipline is through budgeting. Budgeting helps you track your expenses according to your income. It will even tell you the amount you spend on the family monthly and it might shock you to know that you are not doing enough. Let me explain, for instance, that you get more than 20 calls from home in a month to make a total expense of NGN 35,000.
Meanwhile, your income permits you to support your family with NGN 50,000 monthly (information you don’t have owing to lack of budgeting). My point is the frequency of the financial requests can be a distraction from your actual capacity. Expense tracking is not so tedious anymore as there are various mobile applications for the sole purpose of budgeting. You have to categorise your recurrent expenses (both personal and family) allocate funds according to your income and document your expenses daily. Please note that your expense tracker is personal. No one needs to decide how you should allocate your funds.
Be Proactive, Consistent
Once your budget has been created and is being adhered to, do not wait to be asked by your family members, especially for recurrent expenses; you already know what needs to be done monthly. Being proactive shows that you are fully aware of your responsibilities, hence no one needs to call you again. If there is a need to provide upkeep money for your parents and/or a sibling, no matter how small, be consistent and proactive. Choose a date every month and disburse the funds to all parties involved. As your income increases, you can proactively increase the allocated amounts as you deem fit.
These tips will not only reduce financial stress and its ability to spoil your mood. It would also make you feel less guilty about declining unnecessary demands because you have fulfilled your monthly obligations. Furthermore, it will teach your family members to be more disciplined with the resources they get from you.
